There is perhaps no greater example of the dichotomy of The Person(s) I Want to Be than my relationship with deodorant. I suspect it stems back to my days at Wheaton where I was bookended on one side by beautiful women who rejected deodorant and on the other by beautiful women who dabbed on this clinical-strength, prescription-only ointment that effectively halted any naturally occurring moisture under one's arms.
I was, and still am, friends with both of these types of women, and I admire them both to no end. Which is probably why I vacillate so regularly between my love and hate of typical deodorants. Embracing them allows me to become this posh, tailored version of myself: smooth legs, lipstick, wearing a hat for fashion as opposed to function, and without a hint of pit stains clinically guaranteed for up to 12 hours. Reject them and I become damp, joyful and slightly aromatic, but that's okay, baby, 'cause you know that's the way everybody naturally is, and what could be so wrong with that?
A woman I used to dance with told me that my armpits smell bad because I don't eat a raw diet and body odor is the only way I can release my buildup of putrid toxins. And I said, "Can you seriously smell my armpits from where you are?" and she said, "Only when you put your arms up." That was pretty embarrassing, because of all the places you can smell bad, I kind of hoped dance class was one of them, and it's hard to dance without putting your arms up. And I didn't want to start eating only raw things, so I started wearing deodorant. But then I went to Maine and no one in Maine wears deodorant, so I stopped, and I wore Tom's of Maine for awhile, and then nothing for awhile, and it was like a faucet under there and my coworkers joked that they'd get me these for Secret Santa:
and so I started wearing it again.
And now it's a new year and I've swung the other way again. I got this for Christmas and I am in day three now. My scent in Bergamot Lime and it is delicious smelling and so far I haven't noticed any faucet effect. So maybe this is it! But probably not. Because it will only be a little while before I want to be something else again, so rather than throw my deodorant away, I've just tucked it into the medicine cabinet so it can hibernate for awhile.