Birth - 18: Ack. Gross. "I associate the smell of coffee brewing with going to the airport early in the morning. I associate going to the airport early in the morning with vomiting. Thus, according to the transitive property of congruence, I associate the smell of coffee brewing with vomiting." Does it have a brownie blended into it? Okay, fine, maybe. Just maybe though. I'm not making any promises.

18 - 20: Iced coffee? With cream and those raw sugar packets that don't exactly melt so you can suck up the crystals through a straw and crunch on 'em? WHO KNEW LIFE COULD BE THIS GOOD? I AM SO EXCITED! I AM SO AWAKE! WANNA CHAT? WANNA BE MY FRIEND? WANNA STAY UP ALL NIGHT STUDYING THE DATES OF GREAT WORKS IN ART HISTORY AND ALSO TELL OUR SECRETS? YOU DO? ME TOO!!!!

21: Lattes. Enough said.

22-24: Still lattes. If a toasty beverage could be a crystal ball that showed my future, it would be a latte and my future would be a velvety pillow of whole milk. I don't need anything else. I tried needing something else, but I kept getting headaches and taking afternoon naps so I went back to lattes.

25 (summer): Cold brew. All of the cold brew. All of the day. What's that, a caffeine-induced heart murmur?

25 (winter): Latte again. Baby girl can't shake her foamy milk. But cool girls drink Americanos right? And the coolest girls just drink drip, black, hot, and bad. Liking bad coffee: 2013 New Year's resolution.

26 - present: I have attempted to attack my two goals (liking black coffee and liking shitty coffee) from dueling angles. On the black coffee front, I have my brother craft me a cup of hand-ground, small-batch Kuma Coffee pour-over with just the lightest splash of cream, not too much! Ooo so smooth. For shitty coffee, I am currently hooked on bad lattes from grocery stores. So cheap! So bitter! GOALS, YE SHALL BE CRUSHED.